Do you wish it wasn’t a girl?

multicultural_kiddos1Being a girl in the world. This is a controversial topic, so I just want to let you know that I am not here to attack any country’s politics, culture or others.
I’ve always been a strong advocate on women rights. No, I don’t hate men or anything like that, that is absurd. I just want the same rights for both sexes (and yes for good and for bad as well!). We are different psychologically and physically, but we all deserve to be treated equal. However, there are still situations happening to women that need to be addressed and stopped, and they aren’t, unfortunately.

I watched a documentary called “It’s a girl“. For those of you who don’t know it, this a documentary about what it means to be a girl in men-oriented cultures like India and China (in some parts of these countries). So what is it like? According to the documentary, you are treated like property. If a boy is born to a family that is a motive for celebration; if a girl is born to a family, it is considered bad luck. Some of the girls are killed even before birth, some after birth (by their own mothers…) and even if they survive this, they are not well fed or treated. If they reach teenager years/adulthood, they are promised to other families (arranged marriage or not), and the girl’s family will have to pay a dowry to the husband’s family. Many families can’t pay this dowry, so sometimes the brides are killed in “revenge”. So, in summary: a daughter means spending money and losing a family member to other family; a son means gaining money and gaining a new member in the family (daughter in law).

Besides this treatment, there is also the threat of rape (by one or more men), which really gets to my nerves. Being a Portuguese girl living in Belgium, I never felt really threatened by this possibility. Sure, sometimes I get those very annoying comments and some whistling, which scares me sometimes, but I was never in real danger (at least I think so…). I do feel vulnerable, though. These girls are in real danger, because they are “property”. And don’t even get me started on girl mutilation or child marriage, with little girls being married to men old enough to be their fathers….

I am angry with this. Is being a women less than being a man?

Even in countries where men and women are considered equal, there are wage gaps, employers tend to consider men first than women (you know, the whole pregnancy and motherhood thing…). Also, if you are a women in a management job or similar, sometimes you get less respect than a men (and I’ve felt it first hand). Please be aware that with this I am not saying that men don’t get discriminated or raped or threatened in any way. They do, unfortunately.

My point here is, why does this keep happening in a world that is so “advanced”? Shouldn’t we all be treated equals? Wouldn’t that make a happier/stronger society? Please leave your thoughts.



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66 responses to “Do you wish it wasn’t a girl?

  1. Very well written 🙂

    I don’t know from which part of this world you are, but as an Indian I can relate to this.

  2. yeseventhistoowillpass

    I saw that same documentary and you are right it’s bad… Here we have morons like comedian Tosh. Don’t know his first name.. In one of his acts he says, “If you aren’t a pretty woman you will have to work like a man” it’s that stuff that reinforces that thinking that women are property…

    • Yes, indeed it does. There is “culture” of “you have to be pretty” to be someone in life. Or you have to look well all the time, so you can be taken seriously. This is just stupidity – there is no need these things. As long as this stuff goes on, women won’t be able to be just women… they will be somebody’s women. Which is sad

  3. I believe women and men can co-exist and live happily. There is no one superior gender. There are many things that women enjoys that men can never have the privilege to and vice-versa. It is important to first believe and than to work towards realizing the belief.

  4. I don’t understand why women are treated as less than equal, it makes no sense in the modern world. I guess we’re not as advanced as a species as we like to pretend. Maybe us men have been getting away with it for so long that we can’t imagine any other way, although great strides have been made in the UK over the last 100 years. It’s been slow but I believe we’re getting there.
    I agree that it is all about power; we have very fragile egos and fear of inadequacy, therefore we have to feel superior to someone or something.

  5. Honestly I think the international community is doing a lot to tackle the problem of women’s rights. In the last 10 years, gender mainstreaming and women’s rights have been on top of the international development agenda. The more we raise awareness about what happens, the more the world will stir to change this. A lot of times its a problem which stems from cultural and religious matters- this can be changed by pushing countries to change their legislations. We can do something! I think we should remain hopeful, constructive and proactive.

  6. What’s most heartbreaking to me is that the crimes mentioned above are committed by the girl’s mother and family. Women in general discriminate against and tear each other down in all societies, which is horrible enough, but to kill or maim your own daughter? It’s unthinkable for me.

  7. Reblogged this on eeorme and commented:
    This is a must read that I am proud to add to my blog. Blessings and love to you all. EE Orme

  8. Awesome piece! I don’t see how woman are still subjected to these kind of things when the world is supposedly so advanced. Rather, we are going backwards in contrast to moving forward :/

  9. I like your blog! I agree, women are equal to men, we are like halves of the same whole. Different but the same, also. I have been in work environments here in the “enlightened USA, ” where things were not equal. If you try to break in to a new job or profession that has been male dominated, you still have to be twice as good to be seen as equal. For some reason, it is a threat to their ego when a woman can do a job traditionally seen as a man’s job. This is when they decide to smear your reputation and question your sexual orientation, to make themselves feel more secure! This is not just in blue collar work, but in professions such as Medicine. Why can’t we just be kind to one another? Keep up the good work, Internationally Unrelated! We can all make a difference! May Father bless, Rev. Deb

  10. gazeandgawk

    In groups of animals the strongest rules. I definately am NOT saying it’s right, but as a realist I think there are no way out. I think the homo sapiens is only one animal amongst the others.

    But I don’t think it’s only the women who are suffering this power difference (though for women and children the situation is hardest). Also weaker men are ruled by the stronger men. But then why isn’t SOME OF THE women in China more important than some of the men (well there are also those exceptions, but only if they have EARNED their place)? It’s because the group of men is always(I know there are exceptions!) stronger than group of women, and the group “protect” their members. So this is why the weakest man is stronger than the strongest woman if he is loyal to the strongest man. This idea makes me sick, but that’s what the most of the social phenomena does. It’s not a pretty thing to see oneself from outsiders point of view.

    Luckily there are countries where people have understood the idea of equality, and the human rights are established and looked up to. Like the former president of Finland, Tarja Halonen, said “the democracy is a system where majority takes care of the minorities”.

  11. The Societies that force Women (and Girls) into a second-class role are Male-dominated and merely show the lack of confidence of those who legislate, benefit from and support such insanity. And, oftentimes, the so-called “Rules” are not supported by actual Laws or the respective Theologies, sometimes it is just be just the wishes of those who make the rules. In the end, such rules just procreate continued stupidity.

    Whatever the organization (political, business, society, etc.), when it just re-hashes the same old ideas and traditions, it merely reasserts the mistakes of years past. Introducing new ideas, however, can bring-in new ideas which hadn’t been tried before.

    Even some of the developed countries, such as Japan, which had few Women in its workforce, are now learning the mistake. In the U. S., Women are currently a majority of the Technological graduates, and are receiving more advanced degrees than Men.

    In some cases, the lack of Women comntrributing to the economy are the unofficial social mores, such as were Women are expected to stay home after Childbirth for long periods before retuning to work. They can also bhe structural, such as in Israel, where Arab Women are only now being afforded access to free Child care, while Israeli Women have had it for decades.

    Let’s face it, a society which doesn’t use all of it resources, and empower its entire workforce capability, is only hurting itself in the end. More educated workers produces greater results, a higher per capita income and a better Standard of Living. Keynesian economics suggests that the more people working at their highest capability, produces greater consumer spending and a higher GDP.


  12. Firstly, I like the witty twist in the name of your blog. Although I am a US citizen. I lived in the Netherlands for almost 10 years. So, I like to say of myself that I am unduchably unamerican in terms of my social values. Your English is quite good. Spreekt u Nederlands? Parlez-vous Francais ? With rare exceptions, human culture has always been predominately chauvanistic. Technology & education have mitigated the oppression of woman, but only marginally. As a father of five daughters I have thought about this subject deeply. In fact, the pas de deux at my blog is a subtle discussion of this subject from within a poetical construct that critiques the chauvanism latent in judeo-christian cultures where religion reinforces masculine archetypes over feminine ones. Physically & psychologically we all embody both our parents, as you seem to grasp; that is, we all have an anima (often associated with the heart) and an animus (usually associated with the mind). It is the rare person who successfully indivuates their own psyche, i.e., successfully ‘marries’ the feminine & masculine aspects of their psyche. In fact, masculine agression (testosterone) is the engine driving the technologies that are resulting in catastrophic climate change: Capitalism & The Military Industrial Complex are masculine institutions predicated upon exploitation & oppression of others for purposes of selfish preservation & satisfaction. I applaud & support your being an advocate of female rights, but it is a much sophisticated & entangled topic woven into the biological fabric of all human constructs & institutions. It is an uphill climb or struggle (not battle) in all directions. I wish you were my daugther. La coeur a sa raisons la raison be connait pas. Keep writing Sacred Warrior! p.s. My daughters call me their Da of DA(aughters)s! -dafree whitewolfe ^^~~~~

    • Thank you for your kind comment 🙂
      I do speak French and Dutch, but only the 1st one is fluent!
      I do try to advocate for both men and women. Unfortunately, we shouldn’t have to talk about men and women rights, but only human rights.
      I do want to build a better world. At this moment i have the feeling that I am not doing much: I try to get attention to the issue, I try to give comfort to people that have gone through some kind of suffering, I give money to charity…but it is not enough, unfortunately.

      • Beloved Daughter, but perhaps I should think of you as Sister. As it is not ours to save humanity from itself, so it is not ours to judge our efforts. But, you should know that you are the1st soul to visit my blog who as me strives to break down cultural prejudice. Hence I publish in three languages: English is the language of capitalism (greed) and technology (military oppression as in drones)! I strive, as you, to be a bridge of compassion in a complicated world. :-). Perhaps you find yourself inspired to cultivate more meaningful bonds with kindred spirits? If so, you are invited to write me at (my private email) and formally introduce yourself! Salut ! Ik zei je snel weer! marc

      • ? only because it came so quickly upon the heels of this exchange! did u google me? lol! one way or the other! google shows us where we have been not were we are going! the past is a poor compass to the present let alone the future. emergence is more often arresting than comforting! namaste! m

      • Hi, no, I just found your post by chance.

    • Joe

      Good points. I latched on to your being an American in the Netherlands. I’m a Californian who lived in Prague for 5 1/2 years before moving to Leiden 7 years ago. Lovely country this.

      • …spreek u nederlands of nog niet?…Haarlem is a beautiful gem of a city but Amsterdam outshines it!…digging deeper…i prefer the ambience of the catholic south to the protestant north in general…i studied Dutch at the University of Leiden…stay in touch…i hope to return sooner than later! -marc

  13. Pingback: “Do you Wish it Wasn’t a #Girl?” #WomensRights | johndwmacdonald

  14. Jackie Saulmon Ramirez

    As a woman I can relate to this. And upon have our daughter my husband’s exact words were, “Oh shit, it’s a girl.” Great post.

  15. T.M

    In some place women are property like you have said which is truly wrong . But it other places like England it is only the small minority that don’t respect women and give them a lesser wage because they are old fashoined and idiots.Women can do anything a man can do just unfortunately a lot of years ago women were looked down upon and we still have it in our society.

  16. Gender should not matter when it comes to treatment.
    I agree, both should be treated on a equal level instead of the female being treated less equal.
    I have a heart, you have a heart
    Why should one be less treated then the other? it shouldn’t.
    You’re right as far as people looking at people as “Property” that’s something that picks my tooshy because nobody is property to anyone.
    Everyone wants to be treated good so like they say “Treat others the way you wanted to be treated”.
    Mothers should be just as happy if they have a girl as they would if it were a boy…It’s disgusting and when i come to hear and think of abortions it just makes me sick.

  17. Hyde

    Well the inequality certainly exists and you thank doubly thank feminism for exacerbating the issue.

  18. When life gives you a daughter, take pictures.

    This Blog Post describes the situation where a professional photographer has a daughter with Down Syndrome and decides to take pictures of her and lobby various companies to include handicapped child models in their advertising campaigns. Perhaps equally important is the way the Woman’s family–including the other children–embrace and welcome the new Little Girl–into their home, and their hearts.

  19. Joe

    Great questions – I ponder them with some regularity and need to write a post on them as well. One thing that’s happened on the way to becoming this “advanced” world is that feminism has become a dirty word. You seem to have internalised it yourself when you say “I don’t hate men or anything like that, that is absurd.” It is absurd, but advocates for women’s rights, and those who adhere to “the radical notion that women are people” (Rebecca West) feel these days that they must defend they’re feminism from attacks that they’re anti-man. That is absurd as well.

    Dafreewhitewolfe notes the role of testosterone in modern crimes against humanity. I wish I could remember the source of some recent words of wisdom indicating that testosterone is a crime against young boys as well. From the age of 11 to about 18 we’re flooded with this drug that causes irrational (to almost all concerned) anger that we’re told to shove down. “Be quiet, stop fidgeting, why are you so mad at us/them/the world.” And by the time we’re almost used to it, can almost handle it, the flood recedes.

    Thank you for writing and asking. I look forward to reading more.

  20. I don’t mean to go all “religious”, but I’m glad I belong to one that banished this social prejudice 1400 years ago. Sure, it may be “unequal” at times (eg. the way we dress is sometimes perceived as “oppression”) but equality and justice aren’t the same thing. The link explains what I mean by that 🙂

    Thanks for the great, thoughtful post!

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